never proper

not inside

and i won’t salute what doesn’t feel flawless

just there

inside my awareness

like the dust of astronauts

or whatever it is that they pursue

he’s there at my curvy edges

solid, strong

quiet

thinking about me

my femininity

all the lovely things he doesn’t yet know about me

but still wants

petal-soft

petulant

honydewdipped

capable of creating the most sweetly ruinous sort of longing

whilst speaking to you

whilst skimming your skin

whilst learning everything i need to know of you

your salt and solidity and

the taste of those that came before me

which i will

silkily

spellfully

make you forget

the anger is gone

the sadness is not

i want to dance for him

i can feel it

the pull of his eyes as they follow my body

soft and serpentine

as he sits quietly

the city lit and breathing behind him

today i am quiet

curious as to whether he might be thinking about me

as he walks through his city

breathing and lit

i keep re-experiencing him

and the same words return to me

because he is magic, strong, sensual and tender

he fixes me

in the only space we ever share

that which is, in those moments, our bed

soft, dirty and utterly removed from the shattering world

that has broken and re-broken me

and keeps leaving me breathless

seeking air and light and traction

the ability to feel the whole of me

undisturbed

impenetrable

and exquisitely open

all at once

which is how he fixes me

with his skin, his sound, his smell and the power of his empathetic attention

because with him

i can stop

he lays me bare

gorgeously attenuated

not sure

that he even knows

the willowed state

in which he has rendered me

when you move through the nebula of me

you will forget what you thought you needed

as i spark your bones and glisten there

hot, bright and diffuse inside you

a shard of awareness that is in each place of you

your knowing, seeking, feeling, dreaming, broken and continuing self

now resplendent with something new

something silken and sharp and deliberate

mellifluous and devastating and

everything

that you need

quiet, soft-footed

mind elsewhere

with him

in that dreamspace of his

dark, warm

body-conscious

and spirit-heavy

where i cannot know what next he will do

what sound and sweetness he will draw from the saturated earth and air,

from me

with his mouth

his fingers

trailing my skin

making love rain

everywhere

how does he know her like that

how does he know that his possessiveness

(his hands ever-caught in her bed-tangled hair)

would excite her

the intimacy of him being right there

right there

and knowing

knowing just where

to touch her

how does he know that his fire

stoked by her is how she will know

to burn

burn fierce,

sweet and true

only for him

i mean she being me

and him being you