flame-tipped

and velvety

milk, salt on her tongue

himself

quiet the sky

the water

the world

i am here swimming in the light

now dark

the muscle, now soft

the known, now unarticulated

a book rained on

and pressed like a flower

the grass is where this story begins

green, fresh

what you were

new on the palette

soft, buttery

released

not grounded,

this beauty of horseflesh:

running hard and hot

flat out to the un-consisdered horizen

as there is grace there:

in the unknown heat and stretch of it all

that felt, egoless honesty of energy:

unquenchable, remorseless and necessary

his bar

and yours if he so chooses

smooth like a river-stone

may let you run over him

or run with you

or stop you altogether

as not all rivers

have the slope and rain to negate the earth,

the steak on your plate

the story of your body and flow,

your appetite

soft but determined

she lifts the light-wristed flight she feels beating against her ribcage

against the weight of recognized reason

hope, it has been said, is feathered

even marketable

but her rhythm, her keys

kind of sink and breathe

waiting for cadence

and uptake

and so we invite the pianist

to play all that we feel

all that we’ve ever felt

in the bones and earth of us

and what is sure to come

cannot be with him

or without him

cannot be with him because he is broken too and the only complete conversation we have ever held was with our bodies and our souls drawn in

cannot be with him because he is eighteen years younger and barricades his heart

cannot be without him because he is gentle and fierce and beautiful

cannot be without him because, together, in our intimacy, we are poetry

cannot be without him because of the way he touches me

cannot be with him because i do not understand him and he knows it

cannot be with him because this is the way he wants it

cannot be without him because without him there is no magic

cannot be with him because the space he has for me in his life is so very small

cannot be without him because that space is the sweetest space i know

cannot be with him because i love him and cannot tell him

cannot be without him

because i love him

i wait for you

as that is what you will have me do

do you know this about me

that in my solitude

the sweet earthy breath of you reaches into me

creates an ache

stretches out the introspective curve of me

to the rain

and the heat

and the loam of you

wherein i foolishly allow myself to fall into those old dreams i once wove of you

wherein you took me into your fairytale house at wood’s edge and kept me

amidst the fever dreams and lady ghosts

against your sinewy darkness

within your unknowable heart

wherein i thought i knew myself

a man walks into a bar and says:

“hey there, bartender, give me something,

give me something to heal my broken heart…”

something cold on the tongue

warm as it travels,

rides the map of me

pools in the brokenness she left me

a man walks into a bar

to forget someone

and can only swim in her

a man walks into a bar

and catches my eye

with his brokenness and faith

congregating an appeal

a man walks into a bar

and considers me

drops his hat on a chair,

moves me to the dance floor

holds my hips in his hands

his warmth rivers its way through me

pools in the brokenness

provokes the seed

a man walks into a bar

and forgets why he dropped in

today i have

listened to men talking

i have tasted avocado, cherries and coffee

i have circled through his rooms

i have touched myself

today i am

afraid of being exposed

also of being forgotten

running out of light

and clock

but still

but still i have desire and honey

and courage and him

still i have the moon

the ocean

my body

good, soft

my soul

twisted, luminous

and story

and song

all into which he falls:

feathers, webs, hours

velvet and lit

all to which he cleaves

still i have his arms all around me

the current circumnavigating and then

reconvening round and after

as time is, as he says

a crutch

something we’ve all of us constructed

in order to know the unknowable